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Pigeonartist

^^^^^
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It's official. I'm a hobo. Weeelll maybe not fully. But technically, yes I am now homeless. My mom threw me out over a month ago. Around the hospital GURNEY incident time. But yeah it sucks I keep having seizures and life is kind of shitty but I POWER THROUGH with my strange overly negative sense of messed up humors and skewed positivity. I also steal my sis Mustache's food a lot and obsess of Steven Universe to try and stay happy. Yes I watch Steven Universe as a near full grown woman at my grandparents house to the confusion of everyone around me. I am a strange person. 

Uhhhh anyway. More life shit, I couldn't do workforce anymore so school is just... stagnant. I don't go. lol. I have seizures and they are becoming more and more frequent and they're really starting to get a little spoopy (seriously though, they are kind of terrifying and I don't know how to stop them.) Stress level is not okay. I can't eat a lot of the food my grandparents eat and my grandma can't take me grocery shopping often so food is also a problem. Many problems. 

Buuuut I have sort of! Solutions for thing. Various stuff.. or a life plan I guess you would say. First off the good news is I am 18 in August so then I can go get food stamps so food will no longer be an issue and I can also pay back my sis for all the times I jacked her food. Then I will start seeing a doctor or therapist or whatever for my mental health stuff because the age problem will be out of the way, and hopefully I can get myself some sweet, sweet wellbutrin because holy crap I miss the way wellbutrin made me feel. I can also then try and figure out why the hell I am having seizures and if my suspected heart problems are real. And if all goes smoothly with food stamps and health care stuff, then I can start school again! Online school anyway. I'm sure getting school out of the way will help my situation A LOT. 

But for now I just have to waaittt e_e Just a few more months of stealing food from my poor sister and having seizures. Then I will be able to actually legally go and figure things out for myself. So until then.

HOBO CHILD

AWAAAAYYYYYY ~~~***~~**~~

also this weekend and it's unsaid activities have left me kinda brain fried so sorry for craziness to the non existant people who read this
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They really are. I'm serious.

So I was in the hospital yesterday. It was an experience. I rode in an ambulance. The ambulance ride was actually pretty cool BUT THE GURNEY WAS HORRIBLE OH MY GOD IF I WASN'T IN SO MUCH PAIN I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED. I always figured they were low to the ground, like they are when they put you on to them but noooo once you're on and strapped down THAT MOTHERFUCKER RISES TO THE HEAVENS I mean it's like 7 feet tall and it's TILTED so you feel like you're gonna fall and then they roll you away and if you hit a bump or some shit on the way the EMTS don't maneuver around it THEY FORCE YOU OVER IT I was crying so hard internally it was terrifying.

But yeah that happened. Lots of things happened. I am still confused. The doctors are confused. Everyone is confused. I am in need of drugs for the pain in my legs and I'm probably going to try and beg my aunt for some norcos or whatever the hell the pill things are she takes for the pain from her shot wound surgery shit because MY LEGS. And I am also very pissed that they refused to give me a wheelchair because moving is fun and all but MY LEEEEGGGGSSSS. They also cannot figure out why my legs are hurting so bad. 

Ummm anyway why I was in the hospital. First my throat. Which has been getting fucked up over and over and over again for the past month and I can't seem to get better. Only this time I was nauseous and my whole body was DYING with these hot streak of pain and aching I mean I've quit anti psychs cold turkey and have tattoos and the pain was worse than that all combined. So I went to the clinic. I was there from like. 11am to the time it was dark out. I was dehydrated and had like a 101 degree fever and my heart rate was really crazy fast apparently. After many hours of giving me fluids via IV they randomly kinda came into my little stall room curtain thing where I was almost screaming in pain and were like "hey ur heart rate is weirding us out so we're calling an ambulance." Ambulance came. THE GURNEY HAPPENED. Got to hospital. Considered punching my mom in the face with my IV attached. Was giving crotch burning steroid that like instantly healed my throat and some super weird intense anxiety drug shit and I went home. I was there for 13 hours. It was some pretty weird shit. I need a wheelchair for my legs pls someone help.
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bak anime 2015?

2 min read
SoooOoooOOOOooooooooOOOooooo................................


I might actually maybe possibly go to bak anime in january.
And there might be a chance that I will cosplay Mamimi from FLCL.

If I can actually get some money. So far my only way of obtaining money is my grandma and she has (understandably so) been worried about financial shit because we have to get an apartment soon considering my mom is going to be able to legally throw me out of the house this summer. I mean, things will be easier in some ways at that point because I'll be able to sign up for food stamps and maybe get on wellfare or something like that I have no fucking idea how that whole thing works yet. And I'm also getting fined for a bunch of bull shit after I got kicked out of workforce FOR HAVING THE FLU OF ALL THINGS O___O (like srsly there were bitches fighting up in there and they didn't care but I get kicked out for getting sick???)

ANYWAY JUST LET ME LIVE MY DREAMS FOR ONE SECOND OKAY?? I'M NOT PREPARED TO BE AN ADULT /sobs/ even tho this is coming from the person who signed up for medi cal by themselves at 15....
But yesss putting all these sad things aside it's something I would very much like to do because I never get to do fun things like this. Ever since I was 14 I've always had to be the adult in the situation. While my friends were going to the mall or attending conventions I was at social services signing up for insurance and trying to figure out how I was gonna eat the next day. I just would really really like to be able to do a couple fun things before it's too late.  So I'm seriously gonna try and go this (next? technically) year. I don't know if any of my old friends read my journals anymore but if you do I MISS ALL OF YOU BUTTS A LOT OKAY AND I HOPE MAYBE I GET TO SEE YOU <3
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LUCIFER

2 min read
Is a scary turtle :(


Things have happened recently... People I care about have basically stabbed me in the back, so I'm trying to just remove myself from the situation and ignore that one.. particular issue. Which is fine, because honestly I can't deal with fakers right now, I don't need any extra bullshit in my life and if they ever turn out to realize they did something wrong and will acknowledge that, that's really just enough for me. Bitterness never does any good, but it doesn't mean I'm going to forget about it so that it just happens all over again.

One good thing is I'm at least making it to workforce everyday, the workload is getting kind of grueling but hopefully everything will turn out all right, I basically know a big chunk of the people there and I'm on decent terms with everyone. My aunt has been sober for weeks now, she quit the drugs cold turkey and I think she believes the worst of it is over now. She's smoking like 30 cigarettes a day, and she still drinks sometimes, but that's better than meth, definitely. We got to go to the fair together ;u; I wanted to go with her in the first place but for a while I didn't think she'd want to go, but she did. She forced me to go on the zipper and I had like this weird little mini seizure thing on it, it sucked. She tried to make me go home but I was all fuck no lets keep going on rides XD we stayed all the way until it shut down. 

I'm alright basically, I don't think anybody reads these things but I like to write them so I can look back on them later. I think there's just some people in my life I'll be better of ignoring for the time being, and I'm super proud of my aunt for everything she's accomplished >w<
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Hello my non-existant audience, today at workforce I almost had a seizure. It was really shitty and I narrowly escaped having an ambulance called. I am also now very wary of the counselor who often seems to roam the campus during our deserted workforce hours, and she, in turn, is wary (in a pitying kind of way... that's the worst kind of way you know) of me. I also happened to end up rambling, to a classmate who tried to help me, of my paranoia of mary kay, 3B, CPS, and all those ...wonderful services offered to my poor soul whenever I absolutely positively DO NOT WANT THEM. And I think she was a little bit... concerned. I do not know what awaits me in class tomorrow, but most of all, I fear the pity glare. The pity glare is returning godfuckingdammit, and there's nothing I can do to stop it, to my immense dismay.  Now I am sitting at home, probly going to go see this guy who gave me a ride up the street a while ago when I was real dehydrated and about to pass out... but um. yeah. I've never hung out with him before, and he's older than me, but I am so tired and lonely I don't really care and he seems alright so I'm taking my chances to see if maybe I'll make a new friend. Hopefully I won't get raped. That would be very unpleasant.  Anyway. At this point in time, I am craving mcdonalds coffee milskshakes (THEY ARE NOT FRAPEES THEY ARE COFFEE MOTHERFUCKING MILK SHAKES AND ALWAYS WILL BE) and maybe, maybe hoping, hoping this guy, will buy me one. buy me one so I can orgasm everywhere and put something in my stomach that won't make it hurt as much as solid food will (although, los hermanos or el pollo loco would be incredible right now... despite the pain it would cause...) 

so, off to ADVENTURES in the night of OILDALE~
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